The Fourth Anniversary of An Immigration: A Fantasy for a Lost Life

When you travel far far away and you leave behind everything to build a new home, a new habitat, even after many years a flickering of summer sun on the edge of an oak leaf, a picture of an old friend sitting on a park bench, or even inevitable wanderings of your delirious mind brings before your eyes the images of the past with a lucidity so striking that your heart feels entrapped tightly in your chest.

First, you lose the number of the days.  Then it will be useless to count the months.  Next thing you know, it’s been year.  “Years away from home?” I ask myself.  It was my birthplace, Iran.  The faces of Manouchehr, my brother, and Faraz, my best friend with whom I graduated every school year from elementary to engineering school, are stillwith me. In The Chaharbagh or Azadi street, over SioSePol bridge on the Zaiande Rood, from the Caspian Sea to the Persian Gulf, everywhere I felt at home. This sense of belonging now seems somewhat surprising to me when I think about the situation of Iran. Yes, you can find yourself in serious trouble for the pettiest of matters. Like the majority of middle-class urbanite kids, the pressure of outside world pushed me to an underground life with a rather closed circle of confidantes.

Nonetheless, it was as if all the trees, every leaf of grass, or all grains of sand were part of me. They were part of who I was. When you travel far far away and you leave behind everything to build a new home, a new habitat, even after many years a flickering of summer sun on the edge of an oak leaf, a picture of an old friend sitting on a park bench, or even inevitable wanderings of your delirious mind brings before your eyes the images of the past with a lucidity so striking that your heart feels entrapped tightly in your chest. You wonder what is this desire streaming in your veins? Do I miss my old home? Do I miss my old self? Yet it does not take you long to recollect. It is all a fantasy for a lost life.

Merced, California

May 2017


soheil pic one

Soheil Fatehibourjeni is a lecturer and Ph.D student at the University of California, Merced.  He was born in Iran and immigrated to study and live in the United States.  Most of his time outside of work is spent mastering the Renaissance lute.  


 

 

 

 

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